metal bed, dirty songs, glass of wine….. passed out asleep

Yep- this is real y’all. Parenthood.

So, I have wanted a metal bed for a long time. I wanted one for its classic appearance but also for “fun” reasons. What woman doesn’t want to be tied up for an hour, okay 20 minutes, of pleasure. Don’t deny it!!!- 50 shades sold a ton of copies for a reason. Well, I finally got my metal bed a couple of months ago. Have I been tied up yet? Hell no. I’m too f%&king tired to be tied up. Hell, if my husband even suggests it, I wanna slap him. This is what kids do. They’re wonderful, make my life full, bring me more joy than anything … but they make me tired y’all and not very sexy. By the time/age I have the energy to be tied up, I’m pretty sure its gonna hurt my old ass body and my arms and shoulders aren’t gonna move in those positions anymore.

Dirty Songs…… Whats on your playlist?!?! Okay so I am so embarrassed of mine. I have some beautiful songs, country songs, classical, and then a whole list of really rough songs that I work out to. Like its so bad, I panic if my kids pick up my phone. Or, lets say I leave my phone somewhere….. yeah that’s bad. Between my songs that make me seem like I am a “fun” girl (metal bed says otherwise), my texts…., some of my pictures (yep I take progress photos because I’m into fitness so I am mostly naked in them), and whatever else is on there- I am in full panic mode when I think someone else is looking at my phone. Once, my kids old piano teacher that had moved away came back to visit and asked to see a picture of my kids on my phone.  I sat there in the mexican restaurant frantically deleting naked pics I took that week of myself so he wouldn’t see it. Ya know he was wondering what the hell was taking so long to show a picture of my kid!

Wine, wine, wine……  This is mom survival. Some days (especially in the summer) I watch the clock y’all. Like I just need it to say 5:00 so I can get a big ol dose of mommy patience. I swear it makes me nicer. ha! The first glass would probably make me “funner” too…. but at 6:30 when that glass is gone, kids are up and “fun” ain’t happening. The second glass just mellows me and I can handle the fighting, projects, etc… But after the second glass and a long day,  that big ol metal bed is calling my name…..

What is momma uncensored???

Well, I get it… the name sounds dirty. My husband asked if I was starting a porn site when I told him the name. Ha! I am starting momma uncensored for me and all the other carpool, floral skirt wearing, sack lunch packing, perfectly proper acting mommas that deep down have the mouth of a sailor, love their kids- but have real stories of hiding from them when they’re fighting, like sex other than missionary and scheduled, and just want some brutally honest, uncensored talk about life, parenthood, and marriage. There may be a recipe or two also! 😉

Recently I was hanging out with some girlfriends of mine and realized that I censor my mouth around them. The shit I say to my husband, a few close friends, and on here I dare not speak in front of them. Why? Well, I am that girl that is a people pleaser that honestly cares too much what others think. I guess I’m hoping mommauncensored.com will get me out of my comfort zone a bit and just say the funny shit that rolls through my mind (my husband is TERRIFIED of this by the way) I hope to find others to comment and have discussions that are just raw and honest about life.